i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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