my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
as a side note pls kill me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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