so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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