No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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