38 yer olds are good kisserssss
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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