Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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