Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
