Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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