You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
