I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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