you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
