I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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