She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
