no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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