no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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