Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
