The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
