I got chris browned last night
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
