College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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