i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
