I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
