I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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