If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
