The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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