I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
