I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
