New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
