Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
