4 words: hood of his car
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
