Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
