i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
