The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
