WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
