hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She needs sedatives and a leash
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
