You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
