Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
