I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
