You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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