tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
