I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
