so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this will be a night to untag.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
