get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i need some magic done to my vagina
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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