i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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