It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
