fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
