I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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