he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
