I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
