Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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