Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
