Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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