he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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