Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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