I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
