you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
