I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
