i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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